Young at Heart

CORE-RELATE!

from kopbyt123

Touch down Batangas City, March 12, 2017, 05:03am.

It was a fruitful (though a bit incomplete) Saturday. I intended to go visit my mom and my nephew before proceeding to Glorious Hope's training for life coaches but procrastination got the better of me.

The least thing I would want to happen is to make anyone feel that he or she isn't a priority. As much as I can, with what little capacity my heart can give, I'd like to be entirely present with anyone when I'm there - all attentive and my mind not wandering. And so these days I find myself taking small steps towards better time stewardship.

I don't usually go out to parties and I've never really known exactly how to behave in social settings. Yet as I enter the mid-life season, I am learning that getting out of the "I don't usually" and "I've never really" has to be overcome. This doesn't mean that I have to be a different person - and that's what makes it exciting! I am just excited to see where this 'newness' would take me. In essence, it's not new; it just slept.

It's been a while since I've been called "Anna." As I Anna-lyze this now, let's travel back to the 80s.

Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you

Anna was a serial optimist. She had the heart of a kid. She was trusting, quiet and never really cared (in a good way) what people thought of her. She was content having one dress she could wear in those rare instances when she needed to go to school on a weekend. She was simply happy being herself.

When she was 10, Anna - or Anne - met a man. She fell in love and knew in her young heart that they were going to be together, forever. She never doubted his love. As she got to know that man each day, courage and love also grew in her heart. She had a knack for storytelling and stage acting. She loved to bring characters to life. And she knew that she never would've done excellently if it wasn't for his help.

As a teenager, Anne met some friends who knew the man she loved. Yet Anne discovered something along the way, eroding her trust on people. Later on, her own trust in her own father was splintered by an unbroken promise and a few other painful experiences.

Anne's college days were marked with theater involvement but on her parents' prodding, she set aside her passion and pursued a course in Economics instead.

As Anne ventured out into the 'unknown' future, she did so with courage. She knew she'd be good at whatever she put her heart into. What used to be her secret nickname, she then used to introduce herself - partly because her boss and another workmate was named Anna, and partly because she felt she was entering a new chapter in her life.

As Anne chose to make her secret nickname known, her days were marked with independence and being strong-willed. She lived life her way, leaving behind her young love. Little by little, she developed a passive-aggressive behavior.

Unaware that the love she had for the man she first fell in love with has drifted away, she made one wrong decision after another. She didn't care whether those decisions were right or wrong - they felt right, nobody was being hurt, so she did them anyway. 

The Anne who graduated NBSB in the 90s soon had her heart scarred, bruised, tattered and splintered. Well, I could've mixed the order but you get the picture. She was torn.

I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see
The perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn

She grappled, betwixt faith, with love, sex, drunken episodes and thoughts of suicide. She loved - or pretended to love - the men she went to bed with. Every tryst was an avenue of mutual manipulation, reckless exploration and unrestrained expression.

Heartbreaks happened, one after the other. And so the little girl who had dreams of a happily ever after with a prince charming turned to be a skeptic against true love. She stopped believing in fairy tales. What were fairies, anyway?

Until one morning, in a desperate attempt to save herself from herself, she called for divine help. God listened. Her U-turn began and she soon found herself softly cocooned, reunited with the lover of her soul. She never turned back again.

--------------------

As I fix the bed and ready myself to sleep - I am humming "Young at Heart" on a loop. It' a good song, a happy song. It brings me to a place of newness, a certain kind of hopeless romanticism, if you will. I know my heart is happy. I can barely remember my college days but being with my college classmates again after 20 long years has sparked something in me. It re-awakened my sense of awe, my faith in the God who has ascertained my destiny before I was even born.

There's a certain kind of pain in my heart over wrong decisions I have done in the past yet I am now more grateful than self-condemning for this new understanding that I've been given. Every person walks or runs at his or her own pace. Happiness, certainly, cannot be put in a box.

While there could be events or experiences in the past that we'd rather forget, there are also good memories which we can take with us even to the unknown future ahead. Those memories, I believe, help keep our hearts young. And each one is capable of not only creating but living their own kind of fairy tale.

When Love... Comes Softly

CORE-RELATE! I love looking up the scripts of movies which have a profound impact on my heart. One of those movies is Hallmark Channel's 'Love Comes Softly'.

Once you can read, you can have
every adventure you ever dreamed of.
In the pages of a book,
you are a princess in a tower...
or the best shot
in the West.
In those pages,
there are no limits...
to where you can go...
who you can be.
No one will ever tell you
you're too young to slay the dragon...
because it all happens
right here where it's safe.

These were Marty's words to Missie, explaining her love for books to an unruly nine year-old.

I realize I first drafted this post in September 2015 and it's only today that I've come upon it again. It's 6:27am here in Mandaluyong City, Philippines, January 15, 2017, and my Sunday morning has just begun.

"Hallelujah! Hallelujah!" The chorus got off at 05:30 but my wits were already in their waking state at the time, trying to make sense of the dream I just had. One of the hunks I dated (and held dear to my heart) was in that dream. Sensing that my husband was already waking up as well, I started telling him about the dream.

At one point I had to stop and ask my husband (in my library voice), "Are you listening?" When he grunted in approval I continued.

Let me take you with me to that dream.

I am in a breezy place, close to nature, with lots of green trees around. The lawn is a carpet of green and I can hear the birds chirping. I am on the foot of a mountain. I am married but in this retreat, I am alone yet happy. Picture Julie-Andrews-on-the-hills happy, minus the blonde hair. 

Next snap is a cool afternoon and I take a glance at the retreat program which says "Night Out." My hair is up on a bun and I am wearing not-so-skimpy shorts but a pair of white denim shorts which flatter my hips and make my legs appear slimmer and longer than they are. My long-sleeved shirt is a subtle shade of checkers. As I enter one room jiggling my way happily, two tall, athletic men appear on the front door. One of them was the hunk. I don't turn my head to greet him but I see him on the corner of my eye. He knows that I know that he knows. 

The scene zaps to that time when I snatch a bread knife from the table. Nobody sees it except the hunk. I'm not aware if anybody saw me - I just hurry towards my assigned bedroom upstairs. The bedroom has 2 double-decker beds and I go to my spot on the top bunk. I am in shambles. I am sitting on the bed, holding the bread knife in my right hand and now I am placing it on my left wrist. I am in so much pain. I want the pain to end. But I couldn't do it. 

The pain is so real. I feel the searing anguish as I lie on the bed face down. I cry out, "LOOOOORD!" in between sobs, my hands weak and eventually letting go of the bread knife and letting it slide underneath the sheets. "LOOOOORD!" I cry out again. 

In what seems like a teleport moment, I now see myself in two places: up there bawling on the top bunk and outside the bedroom door, listening to the frantic hunk speak to someone on the phone.  

"Baby," he says, "if I don't go in there, she'll kill herself." He hungs up. 

He goes to my room and now I'm back in one place, in that prostrate state, crying, sobbing like crazy, praying in great pain. 

"Ancore?" he asks. "Okay ka lang ba?" (Are you alright?) 

I speak. "O-kay-lang." 

He fades away. 

I am now in the coaster van (minibus). I am seated by the window, quiet, people's voices drowned out in my deep thoughts. We are returning to the place at the foot of the mountain. 

I get off the bus. I am now walking on the soft green carpet of grass and as I look up, I see my husband. "Daddy... Daddy..." I cry softly and he takes me into his arms in a warm embrace. I am secure. I am safe. I am now free.

After I finished essaying my dream, my husband said: "My take on that? You can't force people's love."

Indeed. In the same way Marty and Missie's love for each other grew through time, so it is with the love I have for my husband. Sarah Graham's word just about sums it up:

I got more love in my heart
for that man...
than anybody
oughta be allowed.
I can't even tell you
when it happened.
You know...
sometimes love
isn't fireworks.
Sometimes love
just comes softly.

Indeed.

__
Script quoted from Springfield! Springfield!

International Widows' Day

CORE-RELATE! Did you know that... June 23 is - was - actually "International Widows' Day"?

“International Widows Day is a United Nations ratified day of action to address the “poverty and injustice faced by millions of widows and their dependents in many countries”. - Cute Calendar

International Widows Day (IWD) is the initiative of the Loomba Foundation and the date June 23rd was to commemorate the date when the mother of Lord Raj Loomba was widowed. The United Nations has recognized and ratified IWD in 2010, five years after it was launched in London. Click here to read more about the Loomba Foundation. 

Widows are special in God's eyes

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." - James 1:17

My mom is a widow and I consider it as my loving duty to look after her. God's Word is so alive that these days I am also reminded by this commandment: "Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you." (Deutronomy 5:16).

My mom is quite strong (and young-looking!) for her age. She still works as a freelance health counselor and manages her time amongst taking care of my 7 year-old nephew and her business. She is turning 60 next year and if things were up to me, I don't want her to work anymore. This is why it is painful for me, in all honesty, that I am not able to support her as much as I should.

Still, it is reassuring to know that widows and orphans have a special place in God's heart. Consider this:

"Do not take advantage of a widow or an orphan. If you do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry. My anger will be aroused, and I will kill you with the sword; your wives will become widows and your children fatherless." (Exodus 22:22-24)

Netramani - A Widow's Story, an excerpt from Veil of Tears

It is God's command to take care of widows. If you cannot physically take care of them, at the very least, you must take every opportunity to help them in their plight whenever you can. Through this blog - and your support - you can do something to reach out to widows and alleviate their pain. There is, in fact, a tremendous call to help 40 million widows in South Asia alone today!

Widows in India are ostracized and treated as a curse. They are often discriminated, abandoned, neglected and left to fend for themselves and their children. Most of them are forced to flee to a place called "Island of Widows" in West Bengal for refuge. Sadly, quite a number commit suicide due to hopelessness.

In Nepal, the subsequent earthquakes last April 25 and May 12 has left many women without a husband or without a family altogether. Three of these widows are Bhukima, Drashtaa and Tarana.

Bhukima's husband was a miner. He went as usual to the forest to mine gemstones. The earthquake happened. He never returned.

Tarana and her husband were together when the quake came. Unaware that all his children were already safe outside, he went back inside the house to rescue them. The house collapsed. He died.

The earthquake made both Bhukima and Tarana widows and each of them has five children to feed and take care of.

Before the earthquake, widow Drashtaa lived with her only family - her teenage granddaughter who's 16. The teenager went to the forest to get some firewood. After the earthquake, Drashtaa never saw her granddaughter again.

How can you help?

Take care of the widows within your reach -
Start with the widows in your own family or community. One of the best ways to let a woman feel loved and appreciated is to listen to her. It won't take much to know what makes her happy. Compliment her for how she looks, what she does, what she gives or simply for her presence. Spend time with her. Cook for her. Treat her to a trip to the spa. Ask her nicely if she needs a hand in whatever she's doing. Whatever you do, as long as you do it with a heart that freely gives and genuinely cares, you can never go wrong.

Give financially to causes which support widows -

• The Loomba Foundation
• Sponsor A Widow
• Educate a Widow's Child
• Gospel for Asia's Veil of Tears Advocacy
• Gifts of Empowerment
• Sponsor Women Missionaries

PRAY
...for widows everywhere to experience God's love in a personal way.
...that we will do whatever we can to express genuine love and support to the widows among us

====================================

Meanwhile, to support Nepal pray for:

• Comfort and hope for those grieving
• Protection from disease and danger
• God’s provision and sustenance for relief teams
• Many to understand Jesus’ love

To give financially for relief efforts in Nepal and for updates, visit: http://www.gfa.org/earthquake/nepal/.

For Momsie

CORE-RELATE! It isn't everyday that you get to meet people who'd impact your life in a way that's "everlasting." Even when you part ways, or you lose touch for a while, you know for sure that in your heart such people - a rare breed - will remain embedded deeply, never to be uprooted.

Such people could be a parent, a sibling, for some perhaps a spouse, and for some a "best friend."

I had the privilege of having such kind of a friend when I was single. You know the kind of person who wasn't afraid to hurt your feelings because she knows it's for your own good? Yet she also knows when a word of encouragement or appreciation would lift up your spirit.

She's the type of person who was willing to be there for you, not minding if she'll be inconvenienced.

She has not just listening ears but a heart that genuinely and selflessly loves you.

I am at a loss for words. Words that could express the love that I have in my heart for her. Words that would show how grateful I am that she taught me what it truly meant to be an instrument of God's love.

It pains me that I cannot put words into the emotions I feel about the uncertainty of what she's going through.

It pains me that I cannot express my love for her at this very moment. I cannot speak to her. I cannot hug her.

I love her. In my heart of hearts, pretty much in the way that I love my own biological mom.

I love her and I cannot wait to hug her again. She taught me how to hug, how to love.

Pretty much in the same way I cannot repay my own mom for giving birth to me and taking care of me the best way she knew how, I cannot repay this friend for all the love she has showered me with; for how she nurtured me as a shepherdess takes care of her sheep.

She is the best friend any lady can ever have. She's the sister I never had - at least not with the same parents
- and to me, she is always going to be not just my "maid of honor" but my "sister of honor."

Momsie, thank you for those "Friendster days" when you encouraged me to keep writing even when only you and I read my blog entries.

Thank you for letting me into your life and being in mine.

Thank you for allowing me to be with you to the grocery store and witness what "Spirit-led" shopping looks like.

Thank you for letting me see what it means when Daddy God provides and multiplies.

Thank you for teaching me what good stewardship is all about.

Thank you for hugging me when I couldn't hug myself.

Thank you for loving me when I couldn't love myself.

Thank you for showing me what it means to love Jesus more than anyone else and how to walk with Him.

Thank you for being an example of a "gentle and quiet spirit."

Thank you simply for being you.

Momsie, I'll fast and I'll pray and I'll wait 'til you're up and about again. I will keep my lamp burning. And I won't be a hermit. As Daddy God wills.

"Many women do noble things,but you surpass them all!" Proverbs 31:29

#prayforMelZ

For Souldier

CORE-RELATE!

I intend this post to be an open letter for the man I am preparing to marry in the last quarter of this year. We've been together for almost 13 months now and engaged for 5. We've completed our premarital counseling course last year and had 1 session with an 'official' couple counselor. A lady friend has agreed to 'host' our wedding program but we have no co-host for her yet. So far, she's all we've got as an answered prayer to the many details we have yet to address.

I do not want to boast like I'm some kind of 'super Christian' who hears God's Word and acts on it. I'm far from that. In fact, of the many characters in the Bible, I am more likely to identify with Jonah (the reluctant prophet), the prodigal son and the woman at the well. There are times when I also think that perhaps I'm the adulteress whom the Bible refers to who doesn't know what wrong she's done; or the quarrrelsome wife.. or perfectly, on many different occasions, the fool who gives full vent to his anger.

I have an anger problem, not to mention a very erratic mood. I find myself for countless times letting my anger go "full speed ahead" only to regret it later on. I believe that at this point, my fiance has already experienced the worst side of that anger problem. I can be irrational and irritable when things don't go my way. I can be so selfish when I rant, not considering how the person with me will feel.

A few weeks ago, in anger I returned to him the engagement necklace he gifted me with. This morning, I threw away the pretty flowers he gave me yesterday. Because I was angry. I am angry.

I'm angry over my anxiety and my unwillingness to "Be still." I am not at all "dying to get married." I don't think my age matters and I'm not worried about what 'complications' my age and my mitral valve prolapse will bring about when I get pregnant but I am angry over the fact that "Nothing is happening." Well, nothing seems to be. I can't 'call off' the engagement because that will be disobeying God in His Word. For me, that's the hardest part of all -- knowing that God has given me His Word and there's no disputing it. I've also promised God that I will trust Him to give Souldier whatever direction He wants us to take and I will only have to say 'Yes.'

Forgive me please if I give you the impression that Christianity is all about not being able to do what you want to do. Well, actually. In Romans chapter 7, Paul the Apostle wrote:

 ^14-16I can anticipate the response that is coming: "I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

 ^17-20But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

 ^21-23It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

 ²⁴I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

- Romans 7:14-24, The Message.

Thankfully, the Bible has many true accounts of people like Paul. It is encouraging to know that, by the grace of God, this is just a part of the process. Yes, there is no disputing what God has decreed and whatever He has promised, He fulfills because He is faithful! Unfortunately, I just tend to be very impatient about His timing. I sometimes try to judge Him based on my circumstances when I should actually be viewing my circumstances in the light of who God is.

God is good -- all the time. God is faithful, God is loving, God is forgiving, God is righteous, holy and true. God always answers prayers -- always but I just don't always like His replies.

God works out everything for good. He is a Sun and Shield, He bestows honor and favor, no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is BLAMELESS.

BLAMELESS. None of us is blameless. Not even one of us can confidently say, "I am good - I haven't sinned." For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God -- ALL. Even religious leaders are not blameless, not even the Pope.

Only JESUS is blameless. I can never be holy on the basis of do's and dont's in my life. I can never be righteous on my own merit even if I say I obey God's Word. Obedience, still, is by the grace of God. I can not take credit for obedience and being at the center of God's will. I love because God first loved me. I obey because His Spirit enables me. And I am made blameless, sanctified, only through my faith in Him.

God has forgiven me and has given Jesus, His Only Son, to die on the Cross for ALL of my sins (which are just far too many to mention). When I accepted God's forgiveness so I, too, can forgive myself, He gave me the freedom that far exceeds all types of liberties on earth. I am free. His love has set me free and He has made me a winner.

So why do I still get angry - or let my anger get the better of me?

 ²⁴I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

 ²⁵The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

 ^1-2With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.

-Romans 7:24-25; 8:1-2,The Message.

Now I know. I shouldn't focus on my anger problem but instead focus on the Solution: JESUS. The more I gaze into His eyes and soak in His presence instead of trying to solve my anger problem, the more possible it will be for me to be the kind of lady, the kind of help-meet that He wants me to be.

Thank you for bearing with me in this blog today. I am no longer angry. I pray that God, who is able to supply all our needs according to His riches and glory in Christ Jesus, bless you!

If It's Meant to Be, It Will Be.

CORE-RELATE! Have you ever smiled that kind of smile that just won't go away to the point that you find yourself smiling even until you sleep? You're alone and you find yourself smiling then you realize how ridiculous you must look to strangers so you stifle that smile but somehow, it's just there and it seems that no amount of negativity will take it off.

For the nth time, I've experienced how sweet God's love - and sense of humor - is. He never fails to make me smile not just my regular smile, but that kind of lingering smile that doesn't make the corners of my mouth tired. It's a smile that comes from the recesses of a heart that's bursting at the seams with joy. It's not like the Mona Lisa smile nor the Sphinx smile. I think it's quite like a smile that would make the person seeing me rhetorically say "You're in love, aren't you?"

Well, yes, actually. I am in love with the Author of Love, the Lover of my soul, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He who is writing my love story, and He who has actually enabled me to blog as I am doing right now.

About an hour and a half ago, I was inside the Robinson's Galleria mall for just an ordinary "pass-by" on my way to work. I went to The Body Shop store to submit petition forms and on my way back, I passed by the Bactidol booth where an actor was putting on his angel costume. For someone like me who's familiar with theatre and acting, that was just an ordinary scene.

When I was already out of the mall building, however, I felt hungry (and realized I haven't eaten anything since 3am) so I decided to go to the food court and eat my favorite Pao Tsin dumplings w/ hainanese rice. With a lot of time left in my hands, I stayed where I were and started browsing through my 40 Days of Love workbook. From somewhere came drum rolls and right in front of me popped someone in an all-white ensemble with a pair of wings, and he introduced himself as Cupid.

Cupid was about to hand me some cutesy heart-shaped chocolates when his voice got in the way. All of a sudden, another character, Sore Throat, came and clutched Cupid so he couldn't say what he wanted to say. Cupid battled out with Sore Throat until, for goodness' sake, Mr. Bactidol came to Cupid's rescue: "Don't let sore throat ruin your Valentine," he said. (Too bad I was so amused watching all the live action that I forgot I had a camera phone.)

With the battle over, Cupid went back to accomplish his mission. With one knee bent, Cupid offered me his chocolates once again. With two palms open, I accepted the goodies and he greeted me with "Happy Valentine's Day." Then off Cupid went to spread the season's love tidings (and promote Bactidol).

"I'll blog about this," I thought afterwards, as I thanked God for this very timely and valuable object lesson: 

If it's meant to be, it will be.

Let's rewind. I already passed by the Bactidol booth and saw the actor put on the wings costume but it was, to me, an ordinary scene. So off I went to where I was supposed to go. But I became hungry so I went back inside the building. With a limited budget, I wanted value for my hunger. God directed me to Pao Tsin at the food court and He led me to a nice eating area. Would I have known Cupid will "find" me there?

with marge and marie

with marie and charie

Since I wanted to blog about the valuable object lesson on waiting, I deemed it best if I had a picture with Cupid for posterity's sake. The Cupid actor was kinda cute but not my type but I nonetheless went back the Bactidol booth for a photo-op. On my way, I was 'intercepted' by a lady named Marge who is an advocate of WWF-Philippines. I essayed with her how I met a friend, MayMay, who's also a full-time WWF staff. Margie noticed the chocolates in my left hand so I went on to share the Bactidol experience I had. She called the other WWF advocate, Marie, whom she said shares the same conviction I have about waiting. The other WWFer, Charie then joined in and we had a sort of impromptu 'love talk.' Then, off I went to "go after" Cupid. 

  

When I got to the booth, however, Cupid has already taken off his costume and was back to being Paolo Ramirez, stage actor. Ladies, if you're 'partial' to the mestizo types, well, sorry Paolo's already taken. I had the blessed privilege of meeting the real-life Mrs. Cupid and their two year-old princess. I shared with them the context of my  blog and they gave me 'permission' to have a picture with Paolo and post it here.

As an 'unofficial' advocate of sexual purity (true love waits!), I personally believe that I am not to "look for" or "go after" the 'right person,' but instead praypare and let God help me BE the right person. When the time is right, the right person will find me just where I am. I just have to relax, trust God that He knows exactly what He is doing and obey His instructions even when they will, at times, won't make much sense.

For the past three years, I've been praying about God's will for me in my so-called love life. As I've made a commitment to love as Jesus loves, I am also committed to obey Him and wait for His perfect timing. Waiting is not easy and my encouragement for anyone who might feel "lonely" this season of romantic love, is this: "We were made for relationships." God has authored Love in such a way that until we find ourselves in an intimate relationship with Him, that we are sufficient in Him through Jesus Christ, we will keep on looking for love in the wrong places and being in the 'wrong' kinds of relationships. Imagine: We love because He first loved us and He came for us so that we can have life to the full (1 John 4:19; John 10:10).  Understanding God's love is not as complicated as it may seem, actually - it just requires the unquestioning, trusting faith like that of a child's.

As God's treasure is in people, I know that He meant for me to meet such wonderful people for His good purpose. The cutesy heart-shaped chocolates were just an added bonus. I'm sure - without a shadow of doubt - that He has something much, much more up in His sleeve; that "the vision is for an appointed time; thought it tarries, wait for it."

'Til then, I'll just keep busy being me, abiding in Jesus, while waiting. May He find me faithful.

Hot Shower Encounter

CORE-RELATE! I've just discovered that nothing cools down a tired mind and an achy-breaky heart better than an unlimited, uninterrupted time under the hot shower. I guess it would have been better if it was a hot tub I soaked myself into but what can I say -- I'm just grateful.

I was given the privilege of logging out of work earlier than scheduled and somehow I knew I had to make the most out of the opportunity to spend time with Jesus Christ, the Lover of my soul. I've been missing Him a lot lately. Sure, we chat every so often, 24/7, but due to the current circumstances that He has allowed me to be into, I somehow missed being with Him.

The past few days have been eventful for me, going to and from the Philippine Heart Centre to see, well, the heart doctor. My latest 2D Echo Doppler showed 3 additional valves that have leaks, an increase in the size of my heart and a now 'officially' severe regurgitation. Mr. heart doctor said that if surgeons were to see my heart results, they would say that I need an immediate surgery but since he's a cardiologist, he said that it's not urgent nor is it an emergency but I have to prepare myself.

Prepare myself for what? Well, of course, financially because I eventually would need to have those valves replaced. Also, I have to take good care of myself if I want to live longer (Hah, he didn't say that but I know he meant to say it!) I'm not allowed to lift weights nor do a sprint run, but I can run a marathon at my own pace (to the very least). Bottomline is, my heart is not allowed to get "more tired" than usual and since he said that being in the graveyard shift is a risk factor, I have to file a request for the daytime shift. (Geez, I 'love' the graveyard shift. I've been working the 'night life' since I was 23!)

When the heart doctor read the results last Monday, God allowed two important people in my spiritual journey to be with me: my accountability partner/confidante/discipler (a wonderful lady) and a guy friend. Don't get me wrong, the guy's just a friend. Tuesday morning, I was back at the hospital for another test. They attached an MP3 player-like gadget called a holter to my chest and it was supposed to observe my heart rate for the next 24 hours and correlate (^_^) any symptoms with the "currents." Wednesday morning, I was there again, for them to have it removed and the results will be released after a week. All those three days, my guy friend was with me.

Well, anyone could've been with me. My accountability partner would've been more than willing to sacrifice just so she can accompany me. Or, I could go at it alone, being the 'brave soul' that I am, used to doing things on my own. I haven't told my mom as of this writing about it because I don't want her to get worried. (Mama, if you're reading this, now you know. And I must say, I love you!)

I knew God would not have permitted my guy friend to be with me all those daysfor no reason at all and I believe the primary reason is for both of us to glorify God in the situation. The problem for me was, we're in a sort of courtship stage and spending more time with him gave me a bit of a 'struggle.'

I never really saw this guy friend in a romantic angle. Primarily, he's younger than me and... well, he's younger than me. I'll leave it at that. They say age doesn't matter but to me, it does. I do recognize his leadership and I would say that he is mature for his age. Before I knew him, God has already taught me to show respect to my brothers by letting them lead the way and I just have to respond graciously with a Yes or a No. So that's what I've been doing all this time that we've been friends.

For several times, in different occasions, I have said 'No' to my guy friend's proposal. He was the same guy I was planning to 'deliver' the not-so-pleasant news to in B1G Romance. Somehow, after that, I still continued having him as my friend. I'm comfortable being with him and I actually call him 'Soldier.' I have this penchant for calling people differently and they somehow don't disagree. He is gifted with discernment and for quite a good number of times, he sort of 'knew' what I needed. There were many instances when we didn't really talk about seeing each other but he has his way of finding me! During the past three days of being with him, something seemed to have changed in my heart. Somehow, a willingness to be with him has ensued and I seem not to be viewing him as a younger brother anymore. Well, I am grateful that God has allowed me to go through that struggle and, in my heart of hearts, through sobs and tears over the phone, I verbalized it to my guy friend this morning and that spelled a big difference.

As I told my guy friend about my struggle -- that I don't want to depend on any guy, that I don't want to draw my confidence or self-esteem from any man but that I would only draw it from Jesus --- and how I think God has answered his prayer by changing my heart towards him, he thanked me then the line got disconnected. He send me a text message and it somehow revealed to me how ready he was for me -- if I said 'Yes' to his proposal.

I cried my heart out in prayer for God's confirmation and as I stayed under the hot shower, talking to God, He told me that my guy friend was actually NOT ready. And then it dawned on me how true God's words were to me when I asked Him about my guy friend's motives. It gave me a renewed sense of awe in God of how He has wired me to desire Him, to desire His presence, to know what He has to say, to know what He thinks. Aside from the physical relief that God has given me in that hot shower, He has proven for the nth time how tears can heal. Under the hot shower I cried out to Him that I will not go unless He blessed me, unless He cleared things out for me. I asked Him to let His Holy Spirit come upon me and consume me that I may hear His voice and be assured that He still loved me in spite of my sinfulness. And here's what He told me: "My daughter, your faith has healed you. Go and sin no more."

Those were similar to the words that Jesus told the adulterous woman in John 8. In many ways, I can relate with that adulterous woman. I may not have been caught in adultery nor have I been in an affair with a married man but my past life bespeaks of unfaithfulness towards God (He who has designed for sex to be just between married couples) and towards my future husband (if ever there is one). Between my guy friend and me, I am the bad person and he's the good one; I am the one who's disobedient, he is the faithful one. Still, as God, my Father, doesn't show favoritism, He embraced me in His loving arms and hushed me to sleep with the assurance that "If anyone be in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come." When I woke up, I knew I could already honestly say, "I'm OK."

So now, I'm OK. My mobile phone's battery's dead and I'm in a public internet station blogging my heart away. I firmly believe that God speaks to my guy friend as well and I know that in God's time, my 31:23, my Boaz will come. I just have to continue waiting - purposefully and prayerfully.






  

My MVP

CORE-RELATE!

While continuing my laundry this morning, a realization came into mind regarding my heart condition, mitral valve prolapse (MVP). It's a congenital heart disease which is not readily detected at birth. I was diagnosed with it in 2000.

It's a wonder that I'm asymptomatic, ie, no shortness of breath nor chest pains when it was detected. Doctors hear it from their staetoscope (hope I spelled that correctly) as a regurgitation -- a vibrating sound.

I had to stop my laundry to blog about this sweet revelation.

You see, before I became fully committed to Jesus Christ as Lord of my life, I thought I had no problems loving people. I thought I had no problems with patience and waiting. When I became more intimate with Jesus, that's when I found out that my 'standards' fall short of His.

These days, as I learn how to love as Jesus loves, how to be gracious while guarding my heart, I am reminded of the word 'overflow.'

Ever heard of the phrase, "You can't give what you don't have"? Well, that holds true for me. Most of the time, there's nothing else I could give except love. I love people. All sorts of people.

Of course, by default, I love my family. I have "no choice" but to love them -- accept them for how God made them, warts and all. I love my relatives who are yet to have a personal, intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. I love my Dgroup. I love my church family, Christ's Commission Fellowship, and my former churchmates in Community Baptist Church. I love my godchildren who will be flogging me for presents this Christmas. I love all my batchmates and schoolmates in Montessori, in Sacred Heart, in Cora Doloroso, in Informatics, in UST. I love my friends and former workmates in Pagcor and in StreamGlobal. I love the people I worked with in Chinabank, in PeopleSupport, in CCF NXTGen. I love TrueLoveWaits, ECPAT, Takbo.ph, WorldVision, Livestrong, WWF. I love all my leaders, teachers and instructors - including my dearly departed BusinessMath teacher Ms. Cecile Bacay and Kru Robert Valdez who coached me MuayThai.

I love the Badjao kids who throw their donation envelopes to my lap when I'm in the jeepney. I love the beggars who poke me for a coin or something to eat. I love the strangers who don't care enough to say "Sorry" when they cut me upon entering the elevator. I love Mid-eastern people whose accents I have a very, very difficult time understanding. I love the teenagers and the singles who are in a boy-girl relationship, and even those who are in same-sex relationships. I love smokers even when I really can't relate with them regarding the 'health benefits' of smoking. I love the prostitutes who feel hopelessly stuck in their dire situation. I love the "party people."

I love the Christian guy who accused me of not knowing how to love. I love the Christian guy who always seems to forget my name and can't bring himself to initiate conversation or even say Hi when I'm just waiting for him to do so. And I also love the Christian guy who's still pursuing my heart in spite of the many times I've turned down his proposal.

I hope this doesn't sound self-righteous but really, there are times when there's nothing I can do to express my love except to just keep doors open, not burn bridges and just pour my heart out in prayer. Incidentally, such is similar to my medical condition.

The way I understand my mitral valve prolapse, the regurgitation (swooshing sound) is caused by the overflow of blood to the heart. Since the mitral valve doesn't fully close, there's an "outburst" or splatters of blood outside the walls. This results to possible enlargement of the heart and, at some point, the patient WILL have to undergo a major heart operation for a valve replacement.

My heart doesn't fully close its doors both literally and figuratively and there is an overflow of love that just splatters all around. There are times when my love isn't felt by its intended recipients because I failed to speak their love language; somehow miscommunication ensues as a result of a (love)language barrier because I was loving the other person with my love language not with his or her love language.

Last night, I had a long walk while looking for a laundry service for my comforters, bed sheets and curtains. It was such a long walk that my legs prompted me to run a good distance even when I was only wearing slippers. It dawned on me that I may have let go of my triathlon dream but my love for running won't fade. I have surrendered my future running events to the Lord so that I will glorify Him in my running. By faith, I claim my MVP will attest to that. Nothing can separate me from His love, and I will run the marathon of life with the greatest Coach of all time, my faithful running partner, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Could any love be sweeter than that?

Belting It Out

CORE-RELATE!

I'm not a "belter" in terms of vocal range, nor do I hold a "belt" in Taekwondo. I live, however, in a country that's near the "earthquake belt," and whether I'm thankful, happy, frustrated, overwhelmed, disappointed, or even confused, I belt out everything through prayer.

Incidentally, I also need a new belt. I've been using a belt that's been "handed down" to me and it's already worn out around the holes and the edges. I've been meaning to buy one for the last couple of months but for some reason, I tend to forget.

What are belts made for? They're created for the purpose of binding something or preventing something from falling off, right? With the exception of the huge 'fashionista' belts we have these days which are used as ornaments (or at times, to hide bulging bellies), the word "belt" is usually associated with the waist, right?

God really has His own unique way of communicating with His children and He knows that I need a belt. And since He wants me to know that He knows that, He wanted me to see a belt beyond what it's truly worth and taught me a valuable object lesson in Jeremiah 13:1-11.

John Maxwell says Jeremiah was considered "a meddler and a traitor" by the people in his time. Well, what response can you give to a man who speaks of 'critical evaluation' but not salvation? It's usually easy to point out other people's faults, but to be told to look inwardly and make a self-evaluation? I will most likely get a response like "Back off, Ancore," or "Let's not get personal."

Anyway. Jeremiah was "called" by God at a young age and is known today in Christian circles as the weeping prophet because of the many times he cried out to God due to the stubbornness of the people in his time - and the judgment that awaited them because of their hardened hearts.

One time, God instructed Jeremiah to buy a linen belt (or sash/waistband/shorts in other versions), use it, but to make sure it doesn't get wet. Jeremiah, being obedient, did as the Lord directed him and put the belt around his waist.

Now, on Jeremiah 13:3, we see Jeremiah obeying the Lord's instruction the second time regarding the belt - but it was kinda ridiculous: he took the belt he bought (and was wearing around his waist) and went to Perath and "hid it in a crevice in the rocks."

These days, if God were to tell me, "Ancore, go and buy yourself a new belt." Of course, I'd be happy to do that - because God knows I really, really need a new belt. It doesn't have to be expensive, and it doesn't have to be linen -- but I want it to be at least functional and fashionable. But if He tells me, alright take off that belt and hide it under the rocks, geez, in all honesty, I would ask God for a confirmation if that really came from Him. I am still a masterpiece-in-progress and I'm still in the process of learning to fully trust God and not to doubt His instructions for me.

So, on with the story. So Jeremiah hides the linen belt under the rock, and many days after, he gets another instruction from God: go back to Perath and dig up the belt He told him to hide there.

Jeremiah, of course, obeys and guess what he finds? He found the belt, alright, just where he hid it but then "it was ruined and completely useless." (Jeremiah 13:7)

Through the belt, God taught Jeremiah about pride and disobedience - especially of the people in Judah and Jerusalem. In verses 10-11 of Jeremiah 13, we read God's object lesson using the ruined belt: "In the same way I will ruin the pride of Judah and the great pride of Jerusalem. These wicked people, who refuse to listen to My words, who follow the stubbornness of their hearts and go after other gods to serve and worship them, will be like this belt - completely useless! For as a belt is bound around a man's waist, so I bound the whole house of Israel and the whole house of Judah to Me...to be My people for My renown and praise and honor. But they have not listened."

How is the belt lesson relevant to us today? Simple. We were created by God for Himself, His glory, His "renown and praise and honor." If we choose to live our lives without Him (or 'hiding' ourselves under the rocks), not listening to His instructions - and not heeding them - we would live utterly purposeless, useless lives that seem to be going nowhere and most probably lead to our eternal destruction. All the pleasures we will "enjoy" will only be temporary and we will never be truly, fully satisfied.

God's love is like the belt, suspender, or seat belt that would keep us from harm. He will hold us through the most trying times - even through temptation and He has shown us that it is actually possible for us to overcome temptation - and even death - through sending us JESUS, His Son, to die for us and our sins. I don't know with you, but for me, JESUS is not just the most important in my life; HE IS my life. Without Christ, my "life" was mediocre, pointless and filled with an endless 'longing' for approval. When I made my commitment unto Him and willingly decided that there is no turning back, I've seen that this is the only life that leaves no room for regrets but only joyful expectation. I find my identity, my sustenance and my security in Him. He's got me fully covered.

Why don't you claim your salvation belt in Jesus today? Satisfaction definitely (and infinitely) guaranteed.

Don't Mind the (Political) Ads

CORE-RELATE!

Geez. I have a 'problem' with ads on my blog. I don't mind ads per se. I just don't like those "candidate" ads. Don't mind them, please. I am not in the least endorsing any presidential candidate. I am praying for a president-to-be but I am not campaigning for any one of them.

Anyway, none of us is spared from problems and I've learned the hard way. But God is so good, for these days, I don't even know what it "feels" to be problematic. There are bills and debts to be paid, our rent payment is only up until April so we have to transfer before May, my mom has a myriad of sicknesses, I have mitral valve prolapse, my uncle has myeloma, I don't have my own room, my nephew doesn't have a nanny... If I think of all these things (and countless other 'small' stuff) and burden myself with them, I probably won't be able to smile. But what's amazing is, I am able to encourage and comfort those who need to be encouraged and comforted. I am able to provide 'help' to those who need some kind of 'help' and most of all, I am able to laugh a hearty laugh in the midst of everything. I am able, not on my own, but only with Him and through Him who enables me.

Contrary to skeptics, I am not in denial. My eyes are very much open to the realities all around me -- even the earthquakes that have been happening around the globe, and the incessant corruption and mudslinging that some politicians resort to just to lift themselves up. I am aware of the high rate of AIDS in BPOs in the Philippines, particularly call centers, the very industry I'm involved in. I see the increasing rate of gays, lesbians and transgendered people all over the metro. I see non-married individuals dating married people. Expletives are considered part of the language, drinking and smoking is the norm. Telling a lie is acceptable.

I know all these, yet there's still much more that I do not know. But I choose not to fret over what I don't know and choose not to sweat over what I do know.

I am a CHRISTian. Although this puts me in a 'position' to rebuke those who also call themselves Christians, this doesn't put me in a position to condemn nor judge anyone. My "human job description," as Max Lucado puts it, is to "reflect God's glory," and is, to usher people - souls - to Heaven through two simple rules: to Love God above all and to love others as I love myself. Loving others as myself is quite difficult, I admit, but as I learn to love God more each day, the more I learn how to love others as He loves me.

I am in an Open Relationship with JESUS and this, I'd like to clarify, not for my sake but for the sake of my God who forgave me, healed me, and released me from my self-made prison of sin: God sent His only Son, JESUS CHRIST, as atoning sacrifice for ALL the sins I've committed. He covered me with His precious blood and when I called out to Him for forgiveness and help, He welcomed me with open arms, washed me clean and gave me a new heart. He loves my soul and He renews me everyday. He hears my prayers and though He doesn't always answer them the way I want, He enables me to trust Him without a shadow of doubt that He knows a lot better than I do and that He is in control. He continues to assure me that the Father's faithfulness never fails and His mercies are new every morning. What He says, He does. What He promises, He fulfills.

GOD wants YOU to have a meaningful and abundant life in Him as well! He has a wonderful plan for YOUR life, and He wants to have a relationship with YOU, through His Son, JESUS Christ, who is The Way, The Truth and the Life, for no one comes to God except through Him.

More to welcoming ANYone in this Open Relationship, my deepest desire is for YOU, if you're not in a relationship with JESUS yet, to get up close and personal with JESUS as well. It's as simple as ABC: Admit that you've messed up your life - that you're a sinner and you can't save yourself. Believe that God's Son, JESUS, died for YOU because He loves you and you need Him to save you. Choose and claim God's forgiveness and His gift of eternal life and walk closely with Him, obeying Him, from this day forward.

Your prayer can be something like this:
"Dear Jesus, You know all things and You know me a lot better than I know myself. I believe I've messed up so many times and right now, I ask You to forgive me for my doubts, my worries and fears and for doing things my way instead of Your way. I am a loser without You and so I now turn away from my sins. I cannot do this alone. Thank You for dying on the Cross for me, for shedding your blood for my sins, for showing me there is life after death. I now receive You into my heart as my LORD and Savior and claim Your gift of eternal life. Help me to be the kind of person that You want me to be."

GOD knows your heart. The 'secret' is not in the prayer itself but is in you - in your faith that God has, indeed, forgiven you and has given you a new slate TODAY. It all starts from there. What to do next? Tell someone about it and let's celebrate!

"If anyone is in CHRIST, he is a new creation; the old is gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

As for all the politicians and candidates for government offices out there, let me exhort you with the words of the Teacher in Ecclesiastes 12:13-14: "Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil."

My Why

CORE-RELATE!

Romans 6:23 - "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." In Hindi: रोमांस ६:२३ "फॉर थे वागेस ऑफ़ सिं इस देअथ बुत थे गिफ्ट ऑफ़ गोद इस एतेर्नल लाइफ इन च्रिस्ट जेसुस ओउर लोर्ड."


The basic difference between 'wages' and 'gift' pretty much relies on how it is obtained or granted. Wages are paid for work done. A gift, on the other hand, is something that is freely given not necessarily because it is deserved but because the giver wants to express love and make the recipient feel that he/she is valued; the recipient doesn't have to pay for the gift to have it - the giver has already paid for that gift.

This is the basic "Why" for almost everything that I do. "Almost" because I'm not yet perfected and sometimes I falter and tend to do the right things for the wrong reasons. For some people, it may seem that I do things for myself; yet little do they know that - most of the time - I do it just to share my love for someone who's very dear to my heart - someone whom I really love more than anything else. Everyday, I want that person to know how much I value him in my life and how much I desire for people to meet him and know him through me.

I cannot see myself living without him. Since the day I've made a commitment that I will never ever turn my back on him, I knew that it was for keeps.

He has shown me how faithful he is in keeping his promises and he has never failed to remind me to just relax and be thankful for everything that comes my way - whether negative or positive.

Things sometimes seem to get a little out of hand but knowing that he loves me makes me ease up and look forward to the moment when I can be totally alone with him again.

My day isn't complete without him. We get to talk a lot. Even during my busiest hours, being reminded of him or something that he said gives me the assurance that everything will be alright.

He never fails to surprise me. He really knows me - even my weaknesses and my darkest secrets, he knows all of them. Yet he never condemned me for even one of my frailties and shortcomings.

Not so long ago, we - rather, I - fell apart and I decided to do things on my own. I told him I didn't need him, that I can survive without him. It's not that I'm better off without him; I just wanted to do things my way. Well, I thought I was doing fine until I realized how lonely, ostracized, seduced and terminal I was.

I found no one else to turn to. Yes, there were people, things, activities which helped me to some extent, made me feel a little better, but none of them can match the serenity I had when I found him again. Or rather, he found me.

He found me and I was never the same. People didn't notice it at first, but I knew that something has happened in my heart when I held his hand again after a long time. My hand perfectly fit in his and I just couldn't imagine ever letting go again.

As I walk through each day of what remains of my life here on earth, I must say he has taught me how to be content in any and every situation. In his absence, he has made me experience what it was to be in need, and what it is to have plenty with him. He has taught me the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. He has made me see that I can do everything through him who gives me strength; whose strength is made perfect in my weakness; whose foolishness is wiser than my wisdom, whose weakness is stronger than my strength.

He endured hardship and pain and laid down his life for me so I can be where I am right now. Would you believe me when I tell you that he died for me? He did. I don't think anyone in this lifetime can do that for me, a sinner who doesn't even deserve to be alive. But he healed me by his wounds, redeemed me, restored me, cleansed me with his blood and made me come alive with his unconditional love.

My words can never be enough to tell you everything I know about him and what I experience with him. Knowing him intimately is the best thing that has happened in my life and it is my desire that you get to know him, too.

You see, though outwardly I'm wasting away, inwardly he is renewing me day by day. His love sustains me and I can't imagine going through a minute without him. He isn't a crutch, as some would say he is. He is my all in all. And he has made me his. He knows me from the inside out and there is nothing I can hide from him. Even without my asking, he knows what I need. He provides - and with him I never lack any good thing.

JESUS CHRIST. That's who He is. My Lord and Savior. The Lover of my soul. My Bridegroom. My Prince of peace. My Healer. My Redeemer. My Forever Friend. My Comfort. My Shelter. My Refuge. My Shield. My Strong Tower. My Hope. My Life. My God. My King. My Everything. My Why. जेसुस च्रिस्ट. ठाट'स व्हो हे इस. माय लोर्ड एंड सविओर. थे लोवर ऑफ़ माय सौल. माय ब्रिदेग्रूम. माय प्रिंस ऑफ़ पास. माय हेअलेर. माय रेदीमेर. माय फोरेवर फ्रेंड. माय कोम्फोर्ट. माय शेल्टर. माय रेफुगे. माय शिएल्ड. माय स्ट्रोंग तोवेर. माय होप. माय लाइफ. माय गोद. माय किंग. माय एवेर्य्थिंग. माय वही.

His love is the most wonderful gift I've ever received and I live my life each day with the goal of sharing that gift to anyone who's willing to listen. No strings attached, absolutely no fees to be collected. Totally free. But it doesn't come cheap. It all starts from there.

To Run (and fall in love all over) Again..

CORE-RELATE!

I had an awesome run this morning. God woke me up around 5:30am and prompted me to run. Yesterday, while having my downtime in Eastwood City after work, a guy friend sent me a text invitation for a run in Aguinaldo oval butI politely declined. The venue was conducive to running but going there was the 'problem' because that would mean taking a taxi ride. Besides, I was sleepy and.. I was really, really, really sleepy. Also, during that same hour, while I was exchanging messages with another guy, I got so annoyed and declared war. God says, however, "In your anger, do not sin" (Psalm 4:4) so, after having my cold helping of Chowking's halo-halo, I prayed, headed for home and dozed off. Sometime during my 'uninterrupted' sleep, I awoke and declared ceasefire but I was too sleepy to get up for dinner. I slept straight up until this morning. Thank God, He gave me another new day.

So, back to my run. I haven't ran since I sprained my ankle in Singapore last September 2009. Thankfully, I didn't have a problem with my ankle this morning. I headed for the Rainforest Park in Pasig, with the goal of releasing toxins and increasing my adrenaline and boy, oh boy, I never expected my run to be that fulfilling.

Knowing that I've been 'stagnant' for a while, I didn't want to 'surprise' my body so I started with the basics (my basics, at least): the walk-run-walk. I recall the days when I was just starting out in running, it was just a run-walk kind of thing. I start running in medium speed, slow the pace down, walk, then start picking up the pace to run again, until such time that the walk intervals got lesser and I could run for one straight hour without walking. I even had the chance, in 2007, to finish my first 21K (hopefully not my last). The important thing for me is, I'm a finisher. That's all that matters. Yeah!

In his book 'The Principles of Running' Amby Burfoot shares "It's only the stopwatch that labels you a tortoise. But don't let it get you down. Run with tortoise pride. And remember: In the longest run of all, your life, you're going to be a winner." It's interesting to note what the first page has: "Our purpose: We inspire and enable people to improve their lives and the world around them." I thought, God really loves Amby Burfoot. He gave him a name that clearly speaks of God's purpose for him.

I know and believe that God has placed me on earth for one purpose - His. It was through a mountaineering course in 2006 that I 'discovered' the joy of running so even when I didn't 'graduate' from the course, I continued to run. In 'major' running events, I usually join the 10K because I'm more for endurance, not speed. 5K is more for speed and it's not medically sound for me, given my heart condition. I've been praying that my next 2D Echo Doppler test will show negative for Mitral Valve Prolapse (MVP) which I've had since birth but was not 'discovered' until the year 2000. Now, that will require another blog entry. For now, I'm blogging about my running purpose.

The title of this post may have given you the impression that I've, so to speak, "fallen in love all over again." Haha, forgive me; I wrote that to catch your attention on purpose. I've never been in love like I am today - even romantically. For my friends who are close to me, they know exactly Who I'm passionately in love with.

For the clueless, well, this guy's name is Jesus Christ whom I fondly refer to as JC. JC's not just any other guy. Those who dare to compete with Him for First Place in my heart are in for big trouble. But, JC and I are in an Open Relationship and anyone's pretty much welcome to join in the fun that we have together. We love each other sooo much and as I get to know more about Him each day, the more I fall in love with Him. He loves me sooo much, He died for me and rose again on the third day so He can forever watch over me, be with me and pray for me all the time. I'm actually embarrassed sometimes when I fail to acknowledge that I'm walking with Him. But He is always forgiving, He gives me His grace to forgive others when I falter in the area of forgiveness and graciousness. When we ran together this morning, He showed me new things about my hometown and about myself that I never knew about. And, wow, I can just say, I am sooo blessed.

I've ran in Rainforest Park in the past for many times but it was only today that I got to discover many other parts of the park. JC took me to the mini zoo where I first saw ducks who stood at one leg and hid their beaks in their wings. I thought they were figurines. It was a whole lot of fun looking at all six of them lined up and standing in the same position.

I also marveled at the Philippine deer. As I looked into the deer's eyes, I sensed his longing for someone. I went around the cage with him (him inside, me outside) and he led me to the locked gate. It was as if he was telling me to let him out. I made a sound telling him he'll have his partner soon.

JC also showed me this little chimp with a leash, hanging on a tree. When the little fellow saw me, he jumped as if wanting me to carry him. But he couldn't reach me. He went to the nearby cage and played instead with the white horse who resided there.

Then there's the Burmese Python. It was huge. As I read about the information on its glass enclosure, I sought for the source of its water. The info said that such creature required a constant source of water. Well, it had a source of water, alright, but I knew it was nothing compared to what it actually needed. I pitied the snake but was reminded to be cautious as well.

I saw crocodiles, monkeys, raccoons (well, I think they're raccoons), ostriches, a peacock, carabaos, an owl, birds and more birds… and towards the end of my little "tour," JC led me to view the butterflies. It was a sight to behold.

"I'm coming back to the heart of worship, and it's all about You, all about You, Jesus. I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made up, when it's all about You, all about You, Jesus..." As the MP3 track played in my ears, I couldn't contain the awe as I walked in the midst of the butterflies. As my eyes traced the vines hanging from the top of the enclosure where some butterflies clinged to, I remembered the scene in the movie "Avatar" where the characters 'connected' with the Supreme Being through those crystal-like vines.

"Who will go for us; Who will shout to the corners of the earth, that Christ is King?" went the next track, reminding me of my purpose, the very mission that God has put me on earth for. I was on the verge of tears but the Holy Spirit led me to control such tears and be joyful, be thankful, and glorify the name of my God Who knows all things and searches all things.

"We speak to nations, be open; We speak to nations, fall on your knees, We speak to nations, the Kingdom is coming near to you.. We speak to strongholds, be broken! Powers of darkness, you have to flee.. We speak to nations, the Kingdom is coming near to you, we speak to you, Be free!"

Am I in love? Very much.. over and over and over again.. with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, JESUS CHRIST, who has TAKEN me hook, line and sinker. Any male homo sapien who would “dare” me to fall in love with him instead would have to be madly in love with Jesus Christ first. You might ask, "What does this have to do with running?" Well, pretty much everything.

Amby Burfoot said, "In the longest run of all, your life, you're going to be a winner." Well, our lives here on earth, realistically speaking, will always be a struggle. There are times when it would seem, by the world's standards, that we're so slow; that we're losers. For a follower of Jesus, however, there is something much, much more beyond this life. And it is there where we will see who the real winners are. With the Holy Spirit's help, that is the Finish Line I'm running towards and I hope to see you There.

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus...Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." (Philippians 3:14 ; 1 Corinthians 9:26-27)