keeping quiet...

It takes courage to speak up and even more courage to keep quiet.

I've chosen the latter step, to make me see the innermost corners of my heart for a rain check and know deeply WHY I've been doing the things I've been doing.

I can only do so much and I can only know myself to a certain extent. What I am is God's work in progress, He knows me way more than I know myself and, through the hard way, He has taught me how painful it is to love the way that Christ has loved all of us.

Don't get me wrong. I am happy with the way things are at the moment, I am thankful amidst all the trials and persecution and I am so hopeful for what lies ahead of me. I know that as long as my heart is right with the Lord, all things will turn out right for me.

Sometimes people say hurtful things without meaning to because that is how they perceive them to be. They don't know that in speaking up their minds and hearts, they have turned out to judge the other person and hurt the person along the way. I am both a villain and a victim in this area.

So out of love, the wordy me chose to keep quiet for a time.

God is molding me. And so is He molding the rest of us.

Take a good look at the Cross. When it was erected, wasn't it that the vertical post was erected first before the horizontal piece of wood where they nailed Jesus Christ? I have learned, that I have to make things right with God first and eventually, He will cause my relationships to work out just the way He wants them to be: nourishing, peaceable and filled with sincere, unselfish, sacrificial love.

And even when I can't see the fruits of my labor for the Lord, I know that He is doing wonders in the hearts of many people I've shared the Gospel, my faith and my testimony with.

"Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I wil be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights..." - Habakkuk 3:17-19

"I CANNOT WORDS!!!"

MY TWO CENTS from the Encounter 2 Singles' Retreat:

A last note syndrome and a tagline not to be forgotten:

"From no fruit to bearing fruit; from more fruit to much fruit..."

"I cannot words!!!"

There is just too much joy in my heart yet there are tears being shed. I am so overwhelmed and recharged yet it looks like I've been losing sleep and weight (when the scale says otherwise). A paradox the reason of which only God knows.

Everyday just keeps getting better and better and better for me and I just find myself growing and growing and growing. Answered prayers, transformed lives, renewed faith and humbled hearts are fruits that cannot be 'easily' seen by the naked eye yet I feel privileged to have 'seen' all of them in this weekend's Secrets of the Vine retreat at Hotel Dominique in Tagaytay. It's just amazing to be able to validate the existence of something that I've doubted to be real and it's simply awesome to have my doubts erased, my concerns clarified and my questions answered.

God's BEST for me is just around the corner and though I am not purposefully looking and asking God for him at this point, I know that in God's perfect time, He will reveal him to me. For now, I must say that as I am still being molded into the lady that God wants me to be for His glory, so is He molding that special man for me. That man who is not afraid nor ashamed to tell people that I am only his number 2 because his number One is God. That man who will treat me like a queen, who will respect me and trust me enough to be independent to some extent and will be magnanimous enough to teach me and help equip me to be of full and good use wherever God wants me to be. That man... who will be my adventure partner for life, 'til death and beyond it... if God so wills it.

The four levels of fruit-bearing made me look deeper into my heart. Initially, I thought I had no fruits yet. But when I digged further, I've discovered I've already come a long way from the person that I was last year. My basket already has some tiny yet plump fruits in the form of... well, that's just between God in me... and I am not afraid to fill the basket little by little each day by being more sensitive to other peoples' needs and being mindful of ways where I can use my gifts to bring glory only to the Vinedresser. Easier said than done but by faith, I know, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Borrowing "I cannot words," from what Pastor JP has shared in humorous fashion, I guess I could come up with pages upon pages of the insights I've gained about disciplining, praying, growing and bearing fruit but those will not be enough to cover what for God wants from me and all of His children: willingness, availability and obedience. Kudos to my D-group leader for being such a great 'salesman' for God's vineyard, I endeavor to be fully transformed from leaf-ing to grape-ing from this day forward!