it dawned on me that, in the final analysis, i could really just be one of the many relationships he has to work on; nothing special; i am just an unspecified bullet point. i am not set apart. it could be exciting to think that maybe, just maybe, i'm in the "getting married" section but it could be any other lady as well. i didn't see "me" there, not my name in the very least.
i am wondering: how much worse would my Heavenly Father feel if He actually doesn't see Him implicitly and explicitly set apart in my heart, in my life, in the extensiveness of my goals? He who has created me, to bring delight to Him, to bring honor to His name, to proclaim His message of salvation to a dying world, to be salt and light, how would He feel if He doesn't see His name engraved in my heart, that my life doesn't show His name?
i may have been sad not seeing my name in that list yet i find comfort in the truth that God has my best interest in mind. at this point, i must admit that i have a lot of unanswered questions. along with those questions is the idea that maybe i am better off alone and perhaps God is just allowing me to go through certain relationships in my life at this point so that i will experience what it means to love Him with my ALL; to be fully devoted to Him; to desire Him; to find my sufficiency in Him; to draw my strength from Him; to regard Him as my everything.
i am not the goal. CHRIST is.