CORE-RELATE!
Recovery is for everybody.. but it is not easy. We all have addictions of some sort. "We are powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable." We think we're OK but the truth is, we all need help in order to become the people that we were made to be. The question is, do we recognize and accept the FACT that we are powerless without GOD, without CHRIST at the center of our lives?
This is not about religion. Admit it, we all know there is a God out there. Not all of us just want to believe that Truth; somehow most of us would say we actually know Him.
When we say we know Him, how well do we really know Him? Do we know Him personally to know exactly what pleases Him and what doesn't? When we say we love Him, do we live our lives in a way that reflects His unconditional love, His mercy, His grace? How much time in our 24hours in a day do we spend getting to know Him, conversing with Him, or even consulting Him for the decisions we have to make? Is He even part of our plans for today? This week? Next week? Next month? Next year?
When we know for certain that it is Him who is tugging at our hearts, what steps do we take? Do we just pretend as if nothing's happening, that we don't - in the least - even feel the slightest tinge of 'conscience' telling us to go the other way instead of the way we 'badly' want to pursue?
We all have addictions of some sort that hinder us from becoming the people that God has designed us to be and from doing the exact purpose He has sent us on earth for. It is only when we accept that there is indeed a problem that needs to be solved, a sickness that needs to be cured, a hurt that has to be healed, a habit that has to be stopped or a hang-up that needs to be thrown away - that recovery can begin.
I have taken that initial step.
And I know - and believe - I will just keep getting better.
Showing posts with label letting go. Show all posts
Showing posts with label letting go. Show all posts
20100220
20100108
what price, friendship?
CORE-RELATE!
"If he [Adam] is worthy, [she will be] a help [ezer]. If he is not worthy [she will be] against him [kenegdo] for strife."
I was once like Jonah who ran away from God. (This is the same Jonah who "lived in a whale," as one kids' song goes). After realizing it was time to stop running away from God, Jonah heads for where he should've been in the first place (Nineveh) and proclaimed to the people (the Ninevites) what God has commissioned him to announce. When the people listened, God "had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction he had threatened." (Jonah 3:10)
Jonah, probably thinking that his 'obedient' efforts were rendered useless, became angry and reminded God about his rationale for running away to Tarshish instead of Nineveh - that he knew God will be merciful on him. God then asked Jonah back if he had any right to get angry. (Jonah 4:4)
Let's hold that thought. I'm not angry at anyone, neither am I questioning God on something. However, the parallelism I have with Jonah is the part where I know exactly what God wants me to do but I've been procrastinating and have been making excuses and 'bargaining agreements' with God, banking on His long hand of mercy.
Moving on with the story: Jonah takes a rest and mulls things over, more like on a wait-and-see mode. He makes a shelter for himself then God made a plant grow over Jonah's head "to ease his discomfort." Overnight, Jonah enjoyed the comfort the vine gave him but when dawn came, "God provided a worm, which chewed the vine so that it withered." To make matters worse, God made the weather unbearably hot, prompting Jonah to become very angry, complain and prefer being dead. Now, now. I hope you don't consider God as a bully who'd push us to our limits. He's actually more concerned about building our character than giving us comfort. God's not boasting about it, it's just His way of showing that He is in control; that He IS God.
So Jonah gets very dizzy from the heat, complains, and tells God he's better off dead. God then asks him, "Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?"
These days, Jonah 4 is becoming more and more real to me. I honestly didn't recognize right away that my friendship with Buddy is a gift from God. I've actually asked God last year to give me a "buddy," who will be like my closest brother (in the truest sense of the word). I started 'texting' around July 2009 with a Christian guy and one day, after several weeks of exchanging messages, the guy just called me "buddy." I haven't told anyone (not even my accountability partner) about that prayer so when Buddy called me "buddy," I knew he was God's answer to my prayer.
Much through the six months I've known Buddy, I've learned (repeatedly re-learned, and still learning) about how my emotions can become like, in Jonah's story, the worms that God sent at dawn and chewed on the plant. The plant is our friendship which blossomed in quite a very short span of time without us putting on extra effort at making it grow and I believe that God willed it so; but our emotions (which are also parts of God's design for human beings) can destroy that friendship in just one misunderstood text message.
Right from the beginning, Buddy knew that I DIDN'T want to have a boyfriend; that I really wanted us to be good friends and help one another grow, share 'limited' accountability, exchange spiritual insights, and correct each other when necessary. There were times, however, when Buddy's text messages "weirded" me out. I was somehow getting 'mixed' meanings from the messages he sent and I, guarding a wall on a specific area of my heart, will go on defense mode.
Around the middle of November, Buddy asked me to be his girlfriend - not through text message but personally. I think I must've unwittingly sent some wrong signals, I probably might have been too sweet, too kind, or for whatever reason, Buddy sought counsel and prayed about that particular evening. I failed to give him a straight answer, not knowing whether I should be angry at him, or just laugh the whole thing off. But that is no laughing matter. That's a MAJOR decision out there and my entire future (and his) hinged on my YES or NO.
I had the blessed opportunity of serving as a facilitator in a singles' retreat late in November and it was during that time that God spoke to me clearly about the 'state' of my heart. Like Jonah, I really just wanted to be on a 'wait-and-see' mode regarding Buddy. I wanted to just ignore his messages, pretend like he didn't exist, or that I'm not at all bothered. In the retreat, I asked God to show me my heart. God led me to Psalm 119:113 "I hate double-minded men but I love Your law." That was very precise because I was annoyed with the fact that Buddy seemed to be sending me mixed signals. I asked God further why I was anxious and restless. God proceeded, "Let your 'YES' be 'YES,' and your 'NO,' 'NO'." (Matthew 5:37) Ahh, alright. I had to decide. I had to make a choice. I had to get real... and stand firm.
I do NOT want a boyfriend. I do not want to be in an exclusive relationship with someone if only for the purpose of being with someone. What's the use of having a boyfriend if we're not even considering marriage, right?
However, I must admit, it is difficult to be real close with a guy without the danger of "falling" into temptation. Temptation comes in many forms, not just the sexual kind; I've been learning that there is also such a thing as emotional integrity. I've made a commitment to Jesus, and I am committed to living a life of purity. A requisite to that commitment, that passion, is the willingness to let go of relationships that will compromise my integrity with Jesus, my First Love.
Yes, Buddy is an answered prayer; he's a blessing to me. But I must admit, I've been given a warning that we can be a stumbling block to each other. God gives, God takes away. For countless times, through Scripture, God has reminded me not to be too close with any one of my brothers in the faith.
Like Jonah, I have no right to be angry at God over the plant, that is, of what has become my friendship with Buddy. Buddy's text messages have been less frequent these past few days and I must admit, even when some of his messages annoy me, receiving a message from him brings a smile to my heart. But, I also know I have to obey God's instructions. Buddy sent me a text message a few nights ago which confirmed my fear: "Sooner or later, we would have to permanently separate." It hurts, but I just have to respect Buddy's decision and let go of our friendship.
I know this may sound like I'm trying to convince myself, but if it is God's will for me to be someone's 'ezer kenegdo' at least for what remains of my days here on earth, I am willing to submit to that. Yet I am more than willing to WAIT upon God's perfect timing because TRUE LOVE WAITS; it actually waits, works, waits, works and waits some more. Good is often the enemy of best and waiting will ensure that I am not settling for less of God's Best.
TRUE LOVE seeks the best of the other person - even when it means that you might not be a part of it. I love Buddy but I won't be helping him if I'll always be around; I'm a snare and a distraction to him, pretty much in the same way that I get distracted with the fact that I feel loved and perfectly safe with him. It's like I have a double shield whenever he's around.
My security should rest squarely upon my relationship with the only Man who's worthy of my full trust, devotion and adoration: JESUS with Whom I am in an Open Relationship. JESUS is the Lover of my soul and His unconditional love enables me to be gracious, compassionate and loving towards everyone - inclusive, not exclusive. If God, our Father, doesn't show favoritism in His love for His children, all the more that I shouldn't have favorites too, right?
In Luke 9:23 JESUS said: "If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me." I must let go of my friendship with Buddy. I must be quiet, pray, and just wait. God cares about the "120,00 childlike people who don't yet know right from wrong," (Jonah 4:11) and that is what I should be more concerned about. Time is running out and there's still much work to be done. God has entrusted me a vision almost 4 years ago and I am confident that it will come to pass very soon. God's will is good, pleasing and perfect and He makes everything beautiful in His time (Rom. 12:2; Eccl. 3:11), so all the more that I should trust, obey and just wait upon Him.
Now, whether or not I am Buddy's ezer kenegdo, only God knows for sure.
"If he [Adam] is worthy, [she will be] a help [ezer]. If he is not worthy [she will be] against him [kenegdo] for strife."
I was once like Jonah who ran away from God. (This is the same Jonah who "lived in a whale," as one kids' song goes). After realizing it was time to stop running away from God, Jonah heads for where he should've been in the first place (Nineveh) and proclaimed to the people (the Ninevites) what God has commissioned him to announce. When the people listened, God "had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction he had threatened." (Jonah 3:10)
Jonah, probably thinking that his 'obedient' efforts were rendered useless, became angry and reminded God about his rationale for running away to Tarshish instead of Nineveh - that he knew God will be merciful on him. God then asked Jonah back if he had any right to get angry. (Jonah 4:4)
Let's hold that thought. I'm not angry at anyone, neither am I questioning God on something. However, the parallelism I have with Jonah is the part where I know exactly what God wants me to do but I've been procrastinating and have been making excuses and 'bargaining agreements' with God, banking on His long hand of mercy.
Moving on with the story: Jonah takes a rest and mulls things over, more like on a wait-and-see mode. He makes a shelter for himself then God made a plant grow over Jonah's head "to ease his discomfort." Overnight, Jonah enjoyed the comfort the vine gave him but when dawn came, "God provided a worm, which chewed the vine so that it withered." To make matters worse, God made the weather unbearably hot, prompting Jonah to become very angry, complain and prefer being dead. Now, now. I hope you don't consider God as a bully who'd push us to our limits. He's actually more concerned about building our character than giving us comfort. God's not boasting about it, it's just His way of showing that He is in control; that He IS God.
So Jonah gets very dizzy from the heat, complains, and tells God he's better off dead. God then asks him, "Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?"
These days, Jonah 4 is becoming more and more real to me. I honestly didn't recognize right away that my friendship with Buddy is a gift from God. I've actually asked God last year to give me a "buddy," who will be like my closest brother (in the truest sense of the word). I started 'texting' around July 2009 with a Christian guy and one day, after several weeks of exchanging messages, the guy just called me "buddy." I haven't told anyone (not even my accountability partner) about that prayer so when Buddy called me "buddy," I knew he was God's answer to my prayer.
Much through the six months I've known Buddy, I've learned (repeatedly re-learned, and still learning) about how my emotions can become like, in Jonah's story, the worms that God sent at dawn and chewed on the plant. The plant is our friendship which blossomed in quite a very short span of time without us putting on extra effort at making it grow and I believe that God willed it so; but our emotions (which are also parts of God's design for human beings) can destroy that friendship in just one misunderstood text message.
Right from the beginning, Buddy knew that I DIDN'T want to have a boyfriend; that I really wanted us to be good friends and help one another grow, share 'limited' accountability, exchange spiritual insights, and correct each other when necessary. There were times, however, when Buddy's text messages "weirded" me out. I was somehow getting 'mixed' meanings from the messages he sent and I, guarding a wall on a specific area of my heart, will go on defense mode.
Around the middle of November, Buddy asked me to be his girlfriend - not through text message but personally. I think I must've unwittingly sent some wrong signals, I probably might have been too sweet, too kind, or for whatever reason, Buddy sought counsel and prayed about that particular evening. I failed to give him a straight answer, not knowing whether I should be angry at him, or just laugh the whole thing off. But that is no laughing matter. That's a MAJOR decision out there and my entire future (and his) hinged on my YES or NO.
I had the blessed opportunity of serving as a facilitator in a singles' retreat late in November and it was during that time that God spoke to me clearly about the 'state' of my heart. Like Jonah, I really just wanted to be on a 'wait-and-see' mode regarding Buddy. I wanted to just ignore his messages, pretend like he didn't exist, or that I'm not at all bothered. In the retreat, I asked God to show me my heart. God led me to Psalm 119:113 "I hate double-minded men but I love Your law." That was very precise because I was annoyed with the fact that Buddy seemed to be sending me mixed signals. I asked God further why I was anxious and restless. God proceeded, "Let your 'YES' be 'YES,' and your 'NO,' 'NO'." (Matthew 5:37) Ahh, alright. I had to decide. I had to make a choice. I had to get real... and stand firm.
I do NOT want a boyfriend. I do not want to be in an exclusive relationship with someone if only for the purpose of being with someone. What's the use of having a boyfriend if we're not even considering marriage, right?
However, I must admit, it is difficult to be real close with a guy without the danger of "falling" into temptation. Temptation comes in many forms, not just the sexual kind; I've been learning that there is also such a thing as emotional integrity. I've made a commitment to Jesus, and I am committed to living a life of purity. A requisite to that commitment, that passion, is the willingness to let go of relationships that will compromise my integrity with Jesus, my First Love.
Yes, Buddy is an answered prayer; he's a blessing to me. But I must admit, I've been given a warning that we can be a stumbling block to each other. God gives, God takes away. For countless times, through Scripture, God has reminded me not to be too close with any one of my brothers in the faith.
Like Jonah, I have no right to be angry at God over the plant, that is, of what has become my friendship with Buddy. Buddy's text messages have been less frequent these past few days and I must admit, even when some of his messages annoy me, receiving a message from him brings a smile to my heart. But, I also know I have to obey God's instructions. Buddy sent me a text message a few nights ago which confirmed my fear: "Sooner or later, we would have to permanently separate." It hurts, but I just have to respect Buddy's decision and let go of our friendship.
I know this may sound like I'm trying to convince myself, but if it is God's will for me to be someone's 'ezer kenegdo' at least for what remains of my days here on earth, I am willing to submit to that. Yet I am more than willing to WAIT upon God's perfect timing because TRUE LOVE WAITS; it actually waits, works, waits, works and waits some more. Good is often the enemy of best and waiting will ensure that I am not settling for less of God's Best.
TRUE LOVE seeks the best of the other person - even when it means that you might not be a part of it. I love Buddy but I won't be helping him if I'll always be around; I'm a snare and a distraction to him, pretty much in the same way that I get distracted with the fact that I feel loved and perfectly safe with him. It's like I have a double shield whenever he's around.
My security should rest squarely upon my relationship with the only Man who's worthy of my full trust, devotion and adoration: JESUS with Whom I am in an Open Relationship. JESUS is the Lover of my soul and His unconditional love enables me to be gracious, compassionate and loving towards everyone - inclusive, not exclusive. If God, our Father, doesn't show favoritism in His love for His children, all the more that I shouldn't have favorites too, right?
In Luke 9:23 JESUS said: "If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me." I must let go of my friendship with Buddy. I must be quiet, pray, and just wait. God cares about the "120,00 childlike people who don't yet know right from wrong," (Jonah 4:11) and that is what I should be more concerned about. Time is running out and there's still much work to be done. God has entrusted me a vision almost 4 years ago and I am confident that it will come to pass very soon. God's will is good, pleasing and perfect and He makes everything beautiful in His time (Rom. 12:2; Eccl. 3:11), so all the more that I should trust, obey and just wait upon Him.
Now, whether or not I am Buddy's ezer kenegdo, only God knows for sure.
20080221
a Valentine's invite.
CORE-RELATE!
"February 14, 2008.
Why am I late?
I could give you a thousand and one reasons why but it will all boil down to one reason and one reason alone: because I am.
I used to think that time is in my hands. No matter what I do with my time is all up to me. It doesn't matter what I did, as long as I was happy, time will just pass by quickly.
But I've discovered that the measure of time and happiness is totally different when defined in terms of my own, selfish, 'worldly,' human thinking as compared to how God wants me to measure them.
I have learned that I cannot make up for all the lost times I've spent doing things my way to instead of His way. But because God loves me, He showed me what it truly means to be happy; He showed me what it truly means to be in the dark; He showed me what it means to be lost and not know it.
I used to be "in the dark" not knowing what my purpose was, not knowing what REAL LOVE was and I thought that as a growing Christian I should get out - resign - from the casino. As early as July 2007, I've already drawn up my resignation letter. I used to think that Pagcor is no place for a follower of Christ to be in. But why am I still here?
God's timing is not my timing. God's purpose is not my purpose. Knowing God and experiencing God are two different things. And I have learned that it is only when I LET GO of my biases, my selfishness, my pride, I that I can understand God's love and share it.
I have a lot of stories to tell about what has God done in my heart and in my life and how He has helped me see my job in Pagcor on a totally different light. But I won't tell you about them right now because I believe this day isn't about me or my life but all about Him...all about Him.
God has a reason for everything.
I was late yesterday. I didn't do it in purpose and I believe it is God's will for me to tell you these things right here, right now:
GOD LOVES US and HE wants us to take the blindfolds off our eyes and see the deeper reasons why we work, why we are here. He wants us to take the earplugs off the ears of our hearts and hear His voice calling us to LET GO of ourselves and just LET HIS LOVE IN.
It is my honor and privilege to be commissioned to send you this invitation today, Valentine's Day. Why me? Only God knows and I have learned, too, that the last question that I should ever ask God is WHY. I just have to LET GO."
LETTING GO - Gary Valenciano
I was not supposed to feel that way
I had everything I needed
But nothing ever made me
What I longed to be
The wealth, the name
The lights, the fame
Were everything to me
Out of the blue
I heard His name (Jesus)
And so I took that step of faith
And walked into His domain
I believe that's what He wants
Every heart to do
One step is all He asks of you
Is not so hard to do
It's the heart that's got the will
To open up for Him to fill
And trusting and believing Him
Is all we've got to do
It's just the heart that's got to move
For Him to show His love that's been there
Even when we never cared
Take hold of His hand
Let go and you'll understand
For God knows what you're feeling
But even He can't do a thing
If He sees the heart's not willing
And so we ask what's going on
We want what's right and still do wrong
One step is all He asks of you
You can't be on your own
And all your cares
And all your burdens
Should be cast upon His throne
Letting go, just let go
Is not so hard to do
It's the heart that's got the will
To open up for Him to fill
And trusting and believing Him
Is all we've got to do
It's just the heart that's got to move
For Him to show His love that's been there
Even when we never cared
Take hold of His hand
Let go and you'll understand
Just let go and you'll understand
20060818
The Art of Letting Go
CORE-RELATE!
Let Go (feb2K4): being dumped by your bf of 5 years on account of his "let-me-be-the-one-to-break-it-up-so-you-won't-have-to-make-excuses..." pride.
Let Go (mar2K4): falling in love with a guy who's not actually married and is not really "living in" but -- when you went out with him -- has a kid (and now has 2, by the same woman)... Ok, so he was there for you when you were down, his horns cushioned your fall when your wings failed to carry you (pun intended)... but, but, but!
Let Go (mar2K5): your father dies of cancer when you've just been starting to "accept" the fact that he'll go anytime. Silver lining: he surrendered his ever-critical, stubborn self to Christ a few days before his demise, so that makes you his living witness (even if you weren't there when he breathed his last...)
Let Go (may2K6): how many times do you have to tell yourself that he isn't just the one for you? Ok, so he was with you on your birthday... but, but, but! There is somebody better. You know you deserve better. So stop being stubborn. Make a promise to Him and Him alone. You're His girl and He won't just give you away to somebody who's less-deserving. True love waits, works, waits, works and waits some more!
Let Go (aug2K6): your request for vacation leave for what could have been your first-ever mountaineering activity is disapproved. The training is until November but by September you have to go "on full" every morning with your ministry. You cannot serve two masters. Choose. Your way or His?
Everytime you had to let go, what did you learn? "Parting is such sweet sorrow." There is no joy without sorrow, no silver lining without a rain cloud, no rainbow-always-after-the-rain. Come to think of it. You can't always see the rainbow after the rain but in another part of the world, at exactly the same time, somebody can see one. It's all a matter of perspective. Cry a little or wail your heart out... what matters, above all, is you've learned the greatest lesson that you have to know:
Let Go (feb2K4): being dumped by your bf of 5 years on account of his "let-me-be-the-one-to-break-it-up-so-you-won't-have-to-make-excuses..." pride.
Let Go (mar2K4): falling in love with a guy who's not actually married and is not really "living in" but -- when you went out with him -- has a kid (and now has 2, by the same woman)... Ok, so he was there for you when you were down, his horns cushioned your fall when your wings failed to carry you (pun intended)... but, but, but!
Let Go (mar2K5): your father dies of cancer when you've just been starting to "accept" the fact that he'll go anytime. Silver lining: he surrendered his ever-critical, stubborn self to Christ a few days before his demise, so that makes you his living witness (even if you weren't there when he breathed his last...)
Let Go (may2K6): how many times do you have to tell yourself that he isn't just the one for you? Ok, so he was with you on your birthday... but, but, but! There is somebody better. You know you deserve better. So stop being stubborn. Make a promise to Him and Him alone. You're His girl and He won't just give you away to somebody who's less-deserving. True love waits, works, waits, works and waits some more!
Let Go (aug2K6): your request for vacation leave for what could have been your first-ever mountaineering activity is disapproved. The training is until November but by September you have to go "on full" every morning with your ministry. You cannot serve two masters. Choose. Your way or His?
Everytime you had to let go, what did you learn? "Parting is such sweet sorrow." There is no joy without sorrow, no silver lining without a rain cloud, no rainbow-always-after-the-rain. Come to think of it. You can't always see the rainbow after the rain but in another part of the world, at exactly the same time, somebody can see one. It's all a matter of perspective. Cry a little or wail your heart out... what matters, above all, is you've learned the greatest lesson that you have to know:
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but in the end, it's the Lord's purpose that prevails." (Proverbs 19:21).Clearly, you know in your heart what you are being called to do. And you cannot deny the fact that you've been delaying your reply for much too long now.
"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." (James 4:17).It's OK to cry for now. Soon you'll be wiping away those tears, smiling to yourself and saying, "I will obey because I know Yours is always the better Plan." Who knows, mountaineering may just be in His IT for you in the future.
20060809
Scaling the Mountains
CORE-RELATE!
Will you ever be, as free as you want to be?
Will you ever be, as strong as you ought to be?
Will you ever be, as happy as a bee?
Will you ever? Will you ever?
Has it ever crossed your mind,
there isn't much time?
Has it ever crossed your mind,
what trace you'd leave behind?
Has it ever crossed your mind,
He owns your life, your heart, your time?
Has it ever? Has it ever?
The clock is ticking,
He's been waiting.
Longer than you think, He's been knocking.
Until when will you postpone,
until when will you forego
answering His calling to let His True Love show?
Be brave, take heart
He won't let you go.
Take flight, than fight
Worry not 'bout your friends and foes.
In His time, they all will surely know.
You're JC's girl, you say,
only His love can make a way.
So let go...
Take flight;
Scale the mountains, be the light.
Will you ever be, as free as you want to be?
Will you ever be, as strong as you ought to be?
Will you ever be, as happy as a bee?
Will you ever? Will you ever?
Has it ever crossed your mind,
there isn't much time?
Has it ever crossed your mind,
what trace you'd leave behind?
Has it ever crossed your mind,
He owns your life, your heart, your time?
Has it ever? Has it ever?
The clock is ticking,
He's been waiting.
Longer than you think, He's been knocking.
Until when will you postpone,
until when will you forego
answering His calling to let His True Love show?
Be brave, take heart
He won't let you go.
Take flight, than fight
Worry not 'bout your friends and foes.
In His time, they all will surely know.
You're JC's girl, you say,
only His love can make a way.
So let go...
Take flight;
Scale the mountains, be the light.
Something's Gotta Give
CORE-RELATE!
Has it ever occurred to you what it means to leave a legacy? While listening to a song by Nichole Nordeman, something just dawned on me (for the nth time): I have a purpose in my existence; a mission to fulfill.
This is crazy really. Sometimes I couldn't believe myself when I start thinking about the endless possibilities. And "something's gotta give" soon.
The clock is ticking.
Has it ever occurred to you what it means to leave a legacy? While listening to a song by Nichole Nordeman, something just dawned on me (for the nth time): I have a purpose in my existence; a mission to fulfill.
This is crazy really. Sometimes I couldn't believe myself when I start thinking about the endless possibilities. And "something's gotta give" soon.
The clock is ticking.
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