My MVP

CORE-RELATE!

While continuing my laundry this morning, a realization came into mind regarding my heart condition, mitral valve prolapse (MVP). It's a congenital heart disease which is not readily detected at birth. I was diagnosed with it in 2000.

It's a wonder that I'm asymptomatic, ie, no shortness of breath nor chest pains when it was detected. Doctors hear it from their staetoscope (hope I spelled that correctly) as a regurgitation -- a vibrating sound.

I had to stop my laundry to blog about this sweet revelation.

You see, before I became fully committed to Jesus Christ as Lord of my life, I thought I had no problems loving people. I thought I had no problems with patience and waiting. When I became more intimate with Jesus, that's when I found out that my 'standards' fall short of His.

These days, as I learn how to love as Jesus loves, how to be gracious while guarding my heart, I am reminded of the word 'overflow.'

Ever heard of the phrase, "You can't give what you don't have"? Well, that holds true for me. Most of the time, there's nothing else I could give except love. I love people. All sorts of people.

Of course, by default, I love my family. I have "no choice" but to love them -- accept them for how God made them, warts and all. I love my relatives who are yet to have a personal, intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. I love my Dgroup. I love my church family, Christ's Commission Fellowship, and my former churchmates in Community Baptist Church. I love my godchildren who will be flogging me for presents this Christmas. I love all my batchmates and schoolmates in Montessori, in Sacred Heart, in Cora Doloroso, in Informatics, in UST. I love my friends and former workmates in Pagcor and in StreamGlobal. I love the people I worked with in Chinabank, in PeopleSupport, in CCF NXTGen. I love TrueLoveWaits, ECPAT, Takbo.ph, WorldVision, Livestrong, WWF. I love all my leaders, teachers and instructors - including my dearly departed BusinessMath teacher Ms. Cecile Bacay and Kru Robert Valdez who coached me MuayThai.

I love the Badjao kids who throw their donation envelopes to my lap when I'm in the jeepney. I love the beggars who poke me for a coin or something to eat. I love the strangers who don't care enough to say "Sorry" when they cut me upon entering the elevator. I love Mid-eastern people whose accents I have a very, very difficult time understanding. I love the teenagers and the singles who are in a boy-girl relationship, and even those who are in same-sex relationships. I love smokers even when I really can't relate with them regarding the 'health benefits' of smoking. I love the prostitutes who feel hopelessly stuck in their dire situation. I love the "party people."

I love the Christian guy who accused me of not knowing how to love. I love the Christian guy who always seems to forget my name and can't bring himself to initiate conversation or even say Hi when I'm just waiting for him to do so. And I also love the Christian guy who's still pursuing my heart in spite of the many times I've turned down his proposal.

I hope this doesn't sound self-righteous but really, there are times when there's nothing I can do to express my love except to just keep doors open, not burn bridges and just pour my heart out in prayer. Incidentally, such is similar to my medical condition.

The way I understand my mitral valve prolapse, the regurgitation (swooshing sound) is caused by the overflow of blood to the heart. Since the mitral valve doesn't fully close, there's an "outburst" or splatters of blood outside the walls. This results to possible enlargement of the heart and, at some point, the patient WILL have to undergo a major heart operation for a valve replacement.

My heart doesn't fully close its doors both literally and figuratively and there is an overflow of love that just splatters all around. There are times when my love isn't felt by its intended recipients because I failed to speak their love language; somehow miscommunication ensues as a result of a (love)language barrier because I was loving the other person with my love language not with his or her love language.

Last night, I had a long walk while looking for a laundry service for my comforters, bed sheets and curtains. It was such a long walk that my legs prompted me to run a good distance even when I was only wearing slippers. It dawned on me that I may have let go of my triathlon dream but my love for running won't fade. I have surrendered my future running events to the Lord so that I will glorify Him in my running. By faith, I claim my MVP will attest to that. Nothing can separate me from His love, and I will run the marathon of life with the greatest Coach of all time, my faithful running partner, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Could any love be sweeter than that?

a Valentine's invite.

CORE-RELATE!

"February 14, 2008.

Why am I late?

I could give you a thousand and one reasons why but it will all boil down to one reason and one reason alone: because I am.

I used to think that time is in my hands. No matter what I do with my time is all up to me. It doesn't matter what I did, as long as I was happy, time will just pass by quickly.

But I've discovered that the measure of time and happiness is totally different when defined in terms of my own, selfish, 'worldly,' human thinking as compared to how God wants me to measure them.

I have learned that I cannot make up for all the lost times I've spent doing things my way to instead of His way. But because God loves me, He showed me what it truly means to be happy; He showed me what it truly means to be in the dark; He showed me what it means to be lost and not know it.

I used to be "in the dark" not knowing what my purpose was, not knowing what REAL LOVE was and I thought that as a growing Christian I should get out - resign - from the casino. As early as July 2007, I've already drawn up my resignation letter. I used to think that Pagcor is no place for a follower of Christ to be in. But why am I still here?

God's timing is not my timing. God's purpose is not my purpose. Knowing God and experiencing God are two different things. And I have learned that it is only when I LET GO of my biases, my selfishness, my pride, I that I can understand God's love and share it.

I have a lot of stories to tell about what has God done in my heart and in my life and how He has helped me see my job in Pagcor on a totally different light. But I won't tell you about them right now because I believe this day isn't about me or my life but all about Him...all about Him.

God has a reason for everything.

I was late yesterday. I didn't do it in purpose and I believe it is God's will for me to tell you these things right here, right now:

GOD LOVES US and HE wants us to take the blindfolds off our eyes and see the deeper reasons why we work, why we are here. He wants us to take the earplugs off the ears of our hearts and hear His voice calling us to LET GO of ourselves and just LET HIS LOVE IN.

It is my honor and privilege to be commissioned to send you this invitation today, Valentine's Day. Why me? Only God knows and I have learned, too, that the last question that I should ever ask God is WHY. I just have to LET GO."

LETTING GO - Gary Valenciano

I used to feel the emptiness inside me
I was not supposed to feel that way
I had everything I needed
But nothing ever made me
What I longed to be
The wealth, the name
The lights, the fame
Were everything to me

And then one night
Out of the blue
I heard His name (Jesus)
And so I took that step of faith
And walked into His domain
I believe that's what He wants
Every heart to do

When hard may seem the task
One step is all He asks of you

Letting go to know the truth
Is not so hard to do
It's the heart that's got the will
To open up for Him to fill
And trusting and believing Him
Is all we've got to do
It's just the heart that's got to move
For Him to show His love that's been there
Even when we never cared
Take hold of His hand
Let go and you'll understand

Why be afraid
For God knows what you're feeling
But even He can't do a thing
If He sees the heart's not willing
And so we ask what's going on
We want what's right and still do wrong

When hard may seem the task
One step is all He asks of you

I guess by now you'd realize
You can't be on your own
And all your cares
And all your burdens
Should be cast upon His throne
Letting go, just let go

Letting go to know the truth
Is not so hard to do
It's the heart that's got the will
To open up for Him to fill
And trusting and believing Him
Is all we've got to do
It's just the heart that's got to move
For Him to show His love that's been there
Even when we never cared
Take hold of His hand
Let go and you'll understand

Let go and you'll understand
Just let go and you'll understand