not so serious..

i do not consider myself witty and neither do i consider myself as someone who can move you to tears over a coreny yet well-delivered joke. nope. i'm just not it.

but i can be really talkative. and i can really be very serious when i talk about my passion, my "what drives me."

my passion drives me to excel. it drives me to perform. it drives me to go the extra mile. it drives me to extend a helping hand, to provide a comforting nudge, to give out a hint of acknowledgment, to... love.

i love. perhaps the word that has been closest to my heart since i knew how to read and write was love. i knew it even way before i myself have been 'asked' to define it. i have been blessed with love ALL my life yet sadly there were times when my view of love was distorted. i became selfish and... self-vindictive at the same time. i took pride in "getting" a fair share. i wallowed in an unseemingly unquenchable thirst for fulfillment. i lived a lie.

but now no more. i must say that it really feels GREAT to be free. i am not happy, i am GLAD to be free.. to be controlled yet not strangled, to be accountable yet not surveilled.

serious? i can't believe what i've just written but i guess, that's everything there is in my heart at this very moment.

i'm dumbfounded yet rattling, babbling at the same time.

must be love... made anew.

thank you, lee layson, for being God's instrument. i will forever be grateful to the Father for you, my beloved friend.

thank you, momsie melanie, for covering me with your prayers, your love and your godly counsel.

thank You, Dear God, for my family, and for guiding me, protecting me and sending me people with whom i can share Your most wondrous, merciful, "pure, holy and blameless" kind of love.

"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"
-2 Corinthians 5:17

a reminder to share...

thank God for copy-paste...


Undiscerned Spiritual Pride
by Jonathan Edwards
(from SermonIndex.net)

The first and worst cause of error that prevails in our day is spiritual pride. This is the main door by which the devil comes into the hearts of those who are zealous for the advancement of Christ. It is the chief inlet of smoke from the bottomless pit to darken the mind and mislead the judgment, and the main handle by which Satan takes hold of Christians to hinder a work of God. Until this disease is cured, medicines are applied in vain to heal all other diseases.

Pride is much more difficult to discern than any other corruption because, by nature, pride is a person having too high a thought of himself. Is it any surprise, then, that a person who has too high a thought of himself is unaware of it? He thinks the opinion he has of himself has just grounds and therefore is not too high. As a result, there is no other matter in which the heart is more deceitful and unsearchable. The very nature of it is to work self-confidence and drive away any suspicion of evil respecting itself.

Pride takes many forms and shapes and encompasses the heart like the layers of an onion- when you pull off one layer, there is another underneath. Therefore, we need to have the greatest watch imaginable over our hearts with respect to this matter and to cry most earnestly to the great searcher of hearts for His help. He who trusts his own heart is a fool.

Since spiritual pride in its own nature is secretive, it cannot be well discerned by immediate intuition of the thing itself. It is best identified by its fruits and effects, some of which I will mention together with the contrary fruits of Christian humility.

The spiritually proud person is full of light already and feels that he does not need instruction, so he is ready to despise the offer of it. On the other hand, the humble person is like a little child who easily receives instruction. He is cautious in his estimate of himself, sensitive as to how liable he is to go astray. If it is suggested to him that he does go astray, he is most ready to inquire into the matter.

Proud people tend to speak of other’s sins--the miserable delusion of hypocrites, the deadness of some saints with bitterness, or the opposition to holiness of many believers. Pure Christian humility, however, is silent about the sins of others or speaks of them with grief and pity. The spiritually proud person finds fault with other saints for their lack of progress in grace, while the humble Christian sees so much evil in his own heart, and is so concerned about it, that he is not apt to be very busy with other hearts. He complains most of himself and his own spiritual coldness and readily hopes that most everybody has more love and thankfulness to God than he.

Spiritually proud people often speak of almost everything they see in others in the harshest, most severe language. They frequently say of an other’s opinion, conduct, or coldness that it is from the devil or from hell. Commonly, their criticism is directed against not only wicked men but also toward true children of God and those who are their superiors. The humble, however, even when they have extraordinary discoveries of God’s glory, are overwhelmed with their own vileness and sinfulness. Their exhortations to fellow Christians are given in a loving and humble manner, and they treat others with as much humility and gentleness as Christ, who is infinitely above them, treats them.

Spiritual pride often disposes persons to act different in external appearance, to assume a different way of speaking, countenance, or behavior. However, the humble Christian, though he will be firm in his duty--going the way of heaven alone even if all the world forsake him- yet he does not delight in being different for difference’s sake. He does not try to set himself up to be viewed and observed as one distinguished, but on the contrary, is disposed to become all things to all men, to yield to others, to conform to them, and to please them in all but sin.

Proud people take great notice of opposition and injuries, and are prone to speak often about them with an air of bitterness or contempt. Christian humility, on the other hand, disposes a person to be more like his blessed Lord, who when reviled did not open His mouth but committed Himself in silence to Him who judges righteously. For the humble Christian, the more clamorous and furious the world is against him, the more silent and still he will be, unless it is in his prayer closet, and there he will not be still.

Another pattern of spiritually proud people is to behave in ways that make them the focus of others. It is natural for a person under the influence of pride to take all the respect that is paid to him. If others show a disposition to submit to him and yield in deference to him, he is open to it and freely receives it. In fact, they come to expect such treatment and to form an ill opinion of those who do not give them what they feel they deserve.

One under the influence of spiritual pride is more apt to instruct others than to ask questions. Such a person naturally puts on the airs of a master. The eminently humble Christian thinks he needs help from everybody, whereas the spiritually proud person thinks everybody needs his help. Christian humility, under a sense of others’ misery, entreats and beseeches, but spiritual pride commands and warns with authority.

As spiritual pride disposes people to assume much to themselves, so it disposes to treat others with neglect. On the contrary, pure Christian humility disposes persons to honor all men. To enter into disputes about Christianity is sometimes unseasonable, yet we ought to be very careful that we do not refuse to discourse with carnal men because we count them unworthy to be regarded. Instead, we should condescend to carnal men as Christ has condescended to us--condescended to be present with us in our unteachableness and stupidity.

_________________
Love never fails.

keeping quiet...

It takes courage to speak up and even more courage to keep quiet.

I've chosen the latter step, to make me see the innermost corners of my heart for a rain check and know deeply WHY I've been doing the things I've been doing.

I can only do so much and I can only know myself to a certain extent. What I am is God's work in progress, He knows me way more than I know myself and, through the hard way, He has taught me how painful it is to love the way that Christ has loved all of us.

Don't get me wrong. I am happy with the way things are at the moment, I am thankful amidst all the trials and persecution and I am so hopeful for what lies ahead of me. I know that as long as my heart is right with the Lord, all things will turn out right for me.

Sometimes people say hurtful things without meaning to because that is how they perceive them to be. They don't know that in speaking up their minds and hearts, they have turned out to judge the other person and hurt the person along the way. I am both a villain and a victim in this area.

So out of love, the wordy me chose to keep quiet for a time.

God is molding me. And so is He molding the rest of us.

Take a good look at the Cross. When it was erected, wasn't it that the vertical post was erected first before the horizontal piece of wood where they nailed Jesus Christ? I have learned, that I have to make things right with God first and eventually, He will cause my relationships to work out just the way He wants them to be: nourishing, peaceable and filled with sincere, unselfish, sacrificial love.

And even when I can't see the fruits of my labor for the Lord, I know that He is doing wonders in the hearts of many people I've shared the Gospel, my faith and my testimony with.

"Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I wil be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights..." - Habakkuk 3:17-19

INSIDE-OUT MENTALITY

True conversion begins in the heart. Like a domino, the conversion will trickle down to all the veins, permeating the bloodstream and ultimately transforming one's personality, attitude and behavior to something that is contagiously cheerful, positive and loving.

The genuine Christian's light shines from within. It radiates in such a manner that people who come into contact with him or her will feel the lifting of a burden, see the silver lining behind clouds of doubt or simply just be thankful for the life that they have been given.

God is strong enough, pure enough, brave enough to let us start over again each time we commit a mistake. He knows everything and expects us to stumble from time to time but as He loves us, He has given us Jesus Christ to cleanse us of ALL sin. No more murky or naughty pasts to speak of, no more inclination to sin but only self-control and discipline rooted in reverence to God and love for Him.

We may have toed the line or even crossed over the borders for far too many times in the past, but -- again -- what matters most is what we are in Christ NOW. What, as Christians, are we doing with our lives right at this very moment? Are the thoughts in our minds glorifying to Him? Will we be able to say, if God were to come tonight, in full confidence and conviction, "Father, I have waited so long for You!" If, by tomorrow, somebody checks up on our life's fingerprints, will the Investigator see our prints scattered all over things that we never shouldn't have held in the first place?

Our God is a God of second chances but that doesn't mean we have the 'license' to sin. What we have, rather, is the license to perfection. Yes, no human being is perfect. But as we consistently walk with our Dad daily, He shows us things we can improve on, positive and life-changing ideas we can put into action and people we can learn from and be accountable to.

Being a Christian is impossible for those who rely on outside forces to change them. But for those who, in the inner corners of their hearts can say that" without Christ, I AM NOTHING," living the difficult Christian lifestyle is a joyful adventure.

I couldn't be more thankful for what God has been teaching me these past months. And it reinforces the idea that, indeed, there is nothing else to look forward to except the FULFILLMENT of His wonderful plan for my life.

Whether or not marriage is in the picture, I know -- I am CONVINCED -- that the marriage that each and everyone of us should really look forward to is our eternal marriage, our rock-solid relationship, with our Maker Who has always been patient and loving towards us. He has lavished His mercy on us with His Son's blood on the Cross and is continuously on the lookout for those of His creations who are on the seemingly endless cycle of falling and rising up again.

I am missing someone as I'm writing this. It is a wonder that I don't know EXACTLY who he is and it is my prayer that God keeps him -- and myself -- centered only on God's will, safe and secure and humble enough to listen and just abide in love. For God's eternal glory.
 
"It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy." --Romans 9:16

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